I Did Not Ask for This: I Was Chosen for This

Last week, I was having a conversation with someone after church about an upcoming event and whether I was going to be a vendor. They thought I had done that before — been a vendor. Shockingly, I had not been a vendor for the Soué skin care line before, and I responded with what had been on my heart, which was that I did not ask for a skin care line. In fact, I did not ask for any of it. A nonprofit, gift baskets, skin care, writing stage plays and movies, devotionals, books, blogs, speaking, or coaching.

I didn’t realize the question had actually triggered me — not because I was offended by it, but because I had been struggling with the entire assignment. Not that I did not or do not want the assignment; I am honored. I think I had just truly realized the weight — spiritually, physically, and emotionally — of what Father God had been building and, to be honest, the work it requires. Yes, He graces me. Yes, He has given me the tools, the wisdom, knowledge, and ability to do them all. But that does not mean I have not gotten tired; I have!

And now that I have a greater understanding of how each piece of what He has given me connects, the stakes are higher; the responsibility has just become more intense. Even with all that I am experiencing, I still do not have the right to spew off at the mouth because of what I may be temporarily “feeling.” So, I repented, because that was not my intention — to express that, to lead the person on to believe I was not grateful, or to be dishonorable to Father God by such a statement. As I said, I simply meant, in plain English: I did not ask for any of this; I was, in fact, chosen by God. And that truth right there changes everything.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I now feel honored to have been chosen to steward such a massive vision and responsibility. I have always known — to what degree I understood — that each leg of this vision was not about me; it was about Father God’s children. At each part of the journey, was I learning, growing, being pruned, fine-tuned, and spiritually matured? Absolutely. Tried in the fire? You better believe I was.

However, I am now looking at all of it entirely differently — a whole new perspective. As I always say, the right perspective changes everything, and it has for me. Has it been hard, tiring, stressful at times? Yes! Have there been moments when I thought there was no way I could do this? You bet your last dollar it has. Have there been times when I wondered if I heard Father God correctly? More times than I care to mention.

What I have learned is this: this was my Peter moment. Each time I took my eyes off of Jesus, I began to sink in fear, doubt, apprehension, feelings of being inadequate, and more. Every time I tried to comprehend, determine what He was doing or what direction He was going, I ended up stagnated and stifled — until I got before Him, repented, and turned the controls back over to Him. I should have known I was not in control or driving my own life; He was.

Which reminds me of a dream I had not too many years ago, where I was in a race car in the sky, sitting in the driver’s seat. The car was zooming, going super fast. It reminded me of a roller coaster, the way the car was hitting turns, sharp and precise. While I was in the driver’s seat, I was not driving. I knew the Holy Spirit was driving, and I was merely mimicking His driving; what He did, I did. Pretty clear, huh?

Why this story for this week’s devotional? Here’s why: if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed because you do not understand all that may be happening, trust Father God — He has it, and He is working His plan, His purpose, and His will for your life. Trust the process. Hear me when I say I know how it feels when you think to yourself, “I did not ask for this.” And when you are having an issue with the “I was chosen” part. Remember what Jesus said in John 15:16, KJV: “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.” Those whom He calls, He also qualifies. You have not chosen Him; He has chosen you!